The real travesty is the fact that the sub-unit for a stone is a pound and not a pebble. I have no idea what stones and pounds are, but if it was stones and pebbles at least it'd be funnier

There's a full metric system hidden there: rock - stone - pebble - grain.

I propose 614 stones to the rock, 131 pebbles to the stone, and 14707 grains to the pebble. Of course.

Let's introduce the commonly used unit of crumble which is 3/4 of a grain!

The commonly used unit should be 23/17ths.

Hold on, are those pebbles Imperial or Troy?