Pop culture OCD: I like to organize my pens and post-it notes on my desk.
OCD in my life: I have a tourretic tic that forces me to grunt forcibly and wink whenever there is a square around me (side note, why is everything a fucking square?). The grunt is misinterpreted as a rude gesture, often. The wink has caused me to get punched regularly, so I don't go to social gatherings anymore. When I do go out, I have to plan to leave the house 45 minutes before I actually need to so I can complete my routine of window, door, lightswitch, stove, and sharp object checks 7 times each, 7 times around the house. I have to physically bite my tongue when my child is playing in the park, because I know he's going to get hit by an asteroid or abducted or whatever the thing is I'm concerned about that day if he plays on the third swing instead of the second swing. I have to plan my routes to the park in advance to avoid busy intersections, so that I don't get hit by a car, and so my child doesn't get stolen from me along the way. I could give two shits where the pens are, because I am too busy washing my red, raw hands for the 300th time in the last 18 hours. I haven't slept in two days because when I entered the bed after completing the night time routine of checking everything 7 times each, 7 times around the house, the second to the last lightswitch of the 38 lightswitches in my house didn't click in the way it was supposed to, and I stay awake so when the house burns down due to faulty wiring, I can save the family.
I hope you don't suffer through all of these simultaneously. I'm at the stage of repeatedly checking the gas stove after each use and whenever I enter or leave the kitchen, plus closing the water faucet in the bathroom repeatedly until it clicks the right way several times in a row (there's a pattern to it). And triple-checking if I closed the apartment (sometimes with additional gas stove check) when I'm leaving anywhere. Overall, it eats only ~20 minutes from my day, but it's still incredibly frustrating (and I worry it's going to get worse over time). I can't begin to imagine how it must be to experience everything you've described over the course of one day (or week). If that's really how things are for you, you have my deepest sympathy.
(The worst thing is, several times I was this close to stopping with my gas routine, but then I always discovered someone left one of the knobs half-turned, which suddenly justified my OCD. My stove has auto-shutoff, so it isn't all that dangerous, but I grew up with a stove without this safety feature, and my brain just latched onto that and can't let go.)
The nice thing about OCD is that it doesn't have to make any sense, and you get to know and understand that it doesn't make any sense!
That paragraph generally sums up my day, but you do learn coping strategies.
I'm not sure if OCD generally gets worse, but mine definitely has gotten worse over the years. Therapy and counseling have helped in the last few years. I can at least leave the house now. I'm told there are medications that can help as well, but I'm pretty anti-psychotropic of any kind after a bad experience some years back; so that's a grave that I've dug for myself.
I'll be thinking of you brother/sister. It's never so bad you can't get out of it, even when it seems like it's impossible.
Looking for silver linings, people like us at least can say we're worried about the people around us, so we can't be completely terrible people!
one thing that works wonderfully for me is to replace the ritual with an easier one, for example,
wear a circle ring around your ankle, or draw a circle on your underwear, so you are all the time inside a circle , and all the time protected inside a circle, so when you enter a square, you dont need to perform any ritual, because you are already protected by your circle and this neutralizes all the squares
sounds funny and irrational but our rituals arent rational too , lol
i used to perform rituals all day, sometimes, when crossing a street, the traffic light opened for the cars when i was still performing my ritual, and i continue performing in the middle of the road, and the cars came and i had to run to the other side and the cars drivers thinking i was crazy
i had wounds in my hands because knocking the wood for hours nonstop
i used to miss the subway ride because i had to wait for someone dressing in pink to get in the subway before me
i didnt try any medication because i didnt want to mess my brain with brain affecting medicines
one day i decided couldnt live like this, and i tied a string with my protection color around my wrist and i said to myself the string protects me and i didnt need any other ritual anymore, then i was free of 99% of the rituals
its so good to feel free
in the beggining, when i feel the urge of performing some ritual, because of the habit, I remembered myself that I dont need and remember im already protected
after some time you dont remember the other rituals and your brain gets the habit of being free
you can try to find some ritual to perform just once a day after wake up, that is valid for the whole day, so you dont need any other ritual along the day, then you are free the whole day
this helped me and changed my life , hope can help you too
Because "actual" OCD is much more intense and negatively impacting your life than someone who likes their pens neat and tidy... People washing hands until they bleed every day, being unable to open a door without performing some sort of ritual, etc...
