I've been listening to a book: Opening Heaven's Door.
The authors sister was dying of cancer. One morning her sister said she had a strange dream about her father. They later realized that their father had unexpectedly died around the time of the dream. Her sister then went on to have some interesting experiences around her own death from cancer.
The author began talking to people, as part of her grieving, and realized many families have experiences like this, but nobody talks about it.
Eventually she realized why few talk about it:
She was at a social gathering of some kind and was talking about her recent enthusiasm for this sort of spiritual near-death stuff, and she shared her experience with a man, who she mentioned was a tech worker (judge for yourself whether that deserves special mention). The tech worker listened to her experience and then felt it was his place to tell the author that it was all coincidence or hallucinations created by a dying brain. She then points out that the guy had no special training that makes his opinion any more respectable than hers. The tech guy knew how to use computers, he wasn't a neuroscientists or a doctor or a psychologist, he just felt he knew, probably because he picked up some ideas from Reddit comments or something, and he had to share his opinion.
Anyway, I hold out some hope that there might still be some mysteries in this world.
A lot of people, especially the tech crowd, have been taught in undergrad the importance of critical thinking and evidence supported conclusions. Also, I think the science/mathematical mind is drawn to this line of thinking as well, which is understandable. I know extremely well how they feel, as I've always operated the same way.
That is why faith in some kind of God or afterlife goes against everything we in the tech crowd are trained to do. The hardest thing about being a Christian or believing in an afterlife IMO is the faith aspect itself.
The guy was obviously non-empathic and impolite, and probably clueless that he was causing distress. The only thing in his favor is that he was correct.
I’ve had a wild life. I was a Protestant for over thirty years and I became a Catholic around two years ago. I’ve had more than a few demons attack me and two confirmed good spirits, probably angels. The test for spirits is to get them to agree that Jesus Christ came in the flesh. It’s sometimes difficult to understand them, but anyway I really believe the Bible and supernatural stuff. If anyone on here wants to reach out my email is in my profile.
What pushed you to Catholicism? I see the Catholic church as an amalgamation of human innovations that attempt to turn focus away from Christ and towards the inevitably sinful authority of the church. As much as I can't stand the watered-down one-size-fits-all non-denominational sermons of my youth, or the few fire and brimstone sessions I've been witness to, at the very least their prayers go directly to God.
I upvoted you even though we presently disagree because you bring an honest perspective to the discussion.
The main reason I was drawn to the Catholic Church was that I believed in transubstantiation, or at least the real presence. I was drawn to the history of the Church and through prayer and conversations as well as a supernatural event as well as a dream I prayed for, I finally came to accept that praying with saints was not worshiping them. All prayers with saints go directly to God, but sometimes having someone intercede for you, as Mary did at the wedding feast at Cana, helps you with God.
If you have an open mind to switching churches, I recommend the following:
1. Pray to God to guide you to the right Church. I believe that he may be guiding some people to the Catholic Church, others to the Orthodox Church, and some to Protestant churches. Or He may have a real preference. I'm not sure, but I tried pretty hard to figure out where to go and I ended up in the Catholic Church.
2. Take the core issues that are show stoppers for you and research (and pray) them from the other perspective. Like I did with prayer with saints.
3. If you are feeling to be led to a certain church, get the full catechism of that church and read through it. I was shocked at how little I disagreed with the Catholic Church's catechism. It gave me confidence that I was truly being led to Catholicism.
4. Talk to Christians that you look up to. This is what I did with prayer with saints. There was a Christian uncle of mine (not blood, married in) that I was just completely sure that he was a real Christian and he was a Catholic. He explained it to me in ways that made sense and he answered any of my questions. I ended up adopting his middle name Jacques. Which leads to the funny sounding name Zach Jacques Aysan.
Thank you for your thoughtful reply, and I shall pray for you in turn. I'm used to people turning towards the Catholic church as they become more legalistic and hard of heart, so your answer caught me by surprise. I also believe in a God that may have a different answer for each one of us, and so I feel that the answer for me at this time might be something like a small men's Bible study group. Christ be with you always.
Sure. It's not just atheists here. There's a fair number of Christians (Catholic, Protestant, some Orthodox). There's some Muslims and Jews. Hindus, if you count reincarnation as an afterlife. Probably some that I have missed.
The way i like to think of this is along the lines of mathematics as usual. Because everything we observe in this universe so far adheres to mathematics except the inside of a blackhole, what happens after death also remains one of the many infinite possibilities. one possibility is that nothing happens and you are just gone gone. Another possibility is that you get reincarnated based on your karma. Another possibility is that you go to heaven or hell. Another possibility is that something entirely different happens as soon as you step outside this spacetime continuum because death takes you outside this thing for sure. There could be another infinite list of possibilities that none of the religions and none of the humans have accounted for
You can find some on the right wing catholic rationalist community on substack, I say without a hint of irony. The topic of the day is whether cloud droplets preferentially scatter forward, as pertains to the miracle at fatima
When there's enough money on the sidelines, the pendulum swings, and big bets come back in fashion.
Downsizing is not a big bet.
Nobody leads tech to save billions and have money sit on the sidelines. It's a weak, shallow bet that should be reserved for discount retail and commodity markets.
The savings will be spent on engineering, eventually.
How does this jive with all of the big tech cos sitting on a Smaug's cave level of dollars? There's rainy day funds, but having billions in cash and cash equivalents seems odd.
I hope you are right, but my understanding is that the high headcount in engineering could, in large part, be offset by American tax exemptions for engineering salaries and that this exemption is being actively sunset.
However, I wonder how long it takes company policies to catch up with the reality of that reversion. How many are still operating as though it was never reverted?
I don't consider the current system to be worthless. In fact, it functions remarkably well. There is certainly room for additional substrate layers though, and Bitcoin being digital or electronic gold and Ethereum being an e-steam engine or e-computer make for a powerful combination for applications together. I agree that the crowd here has historically not understood, or wanted to understand, the underlying protocols and what is possible. A bizarre kind of hubris perhaps, or maybe just a response to how the first iterations of a web2.5 or web3.0 were...admittedly more mired in a kind of marketing hype that was not as reflective of what is possible and sustainable in the space due to there not being realistic web and engineering muscle at the forefront of the hype.
I think this current cycle is going to change that though. The kinds of projects spinning up are truly massive, innovative, and interesting. Stay tuned!
What is it about then? I'm not spreading propaganda - I'm maximally truth seeking and approaching things from a technical/economic/governance point of view and not an ideological one per se. Though ideology shapes everything, what I mean is that I'm not ideologically predisposed towards a conclusion on things. For me what matters is the core, truthy aspects of a given subject.
I started carrying around a photo of myself as a kid. I'm sitting against a wall, by a pillar, at our state capital. My eyes are shut. I was kind of a shy kid.
When I start to get frustrated and talk to myself in that short, abrasive, condescending tone, I think of that photo and of myself, as still that kid.
It helps me to be more compassionate towards myself in those moments. I'm still that shy kid trying to make sense of the world.
It's easier to be fond and/or tolerant of someone if you can occasionally get a breather from them. You go easy (or easier) on your significant other, family, friends etc because -- at least occasionally -- you can keep some distance.
Try keeping distance from yourself. :/ The self is always there, it never relents; its mistakes and weaknesses ever present, recurrent. It's less easy to accept and/or forgive when you can't forget.
In fact what you are doing with that photo -- which is a practice I completely support and agree with BTW -- is precisely that: distancing yourself from yourself, taking a look "in" from the outside. It's easier to find compassion like that, for both your child and current selves.
I’m curious about what ways you have to distance yourself from yourself. The photo trick is an interesting one I had not thought of. I’ve found that some engrossing activity is a good way to disconnect for awhile: running is my go-to, but also woodworking or yard work. Oddly, although coding is also engrossing, it is so tied up in my career that it does not usually give me any distance from myself. Other ideas?
> running is my go-to, but also woodworking or yard work
These are excellent. (Not that I'm an authority, of course.)
Additionally, the photo visualization that aantix conveys has a meditation format (I know of it from therapy) where you meet your child self during meditation, and comfort, console, and protect him/her.
Kelly McGonigal has a series (possibly in multiple editions?) on compassion, including self-compassion. The first instance I've encountered on LinkedIn Learning:
Note especially Tonglen (week 7). In my own uneducated imagery, I describe it as follows: during meditation, you breath in the suffering of others with your heart, and breath out love and compassion, which I imagine as a golden light. It's brilliant, especially if you do it towards someone that you resent because they have wronged you.
I just realised, from writing a comment below in the thread, that at 47 (which roughly approximates my age as well) that the internal talk is increasingly provably false.
the voice is a shock jock, click bait. All headline, no research, no lede.
I'm reminded of that scene from A Beautiful Mind where someone asks him if he still has his hallucinations. He looks over and sees the fake people still there, and says "Oh no, they're not gone. Maybe they'll never be." And they still would drag him into things again, but he has learned to ignore them and not get pulled in.
So it is with internal demons sometimes, I find. You learn to recognize them, rather than expunge them.
Sometimes they help recognize what's important. Upon identifying them, I get angry my brain is talking to me that way, and find the will to get shit done.
It's kind of incredible how the sub-concious finds ways to help you out sometimes. It sucks one needs to first learn how much it likes to use dirty tactics though.
True. Rubber ducks for self-debugging are uh mostly overrated. A trained therapist--- sometimes free-of-charge-- works for most
issues where some would rubber duck
That you can prove the inner voice false does not help in the least. It does not listen to reason, and it does not shut up. It needs to be addressed from a completely different angle.
The man in the mirror can be a real asshole. However, win his confidence and trust then everything else becomes much easier.
I work with a lot of young people starting marriages, families, and life. The advice I give is have as much love and patience for yourself as you do for your partner and others. You won’t always get it right so be forgive yourself, learn, and get better.
Here's a link to WHO's guide for "unhooking from difficult thoughts and feelings".
https://www.who.int/publications/i/item/9789240003927
It includes links to audio. It can be helpful for the experiences you describe
Does anyone else have stories of successful ways to overcome overwhelming negative selftalk?
Preferably personal, but alternatively something where you helped a friend or child or family member. Asking for a friend. There's a whole parasitic industry built around this concept e.g. selfharm books (selfhelp) or life coach.
Try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. From the Wikipedia article [1]: “This therapy focuses on challenging unhelpful and irrational negative thoughts and beliefs, referred to as 'self-talk' and replacing them with more rational positive self-talk. This alteration in a person's thinking produces less anxiety and depression.”
I just started talking back. I started about 3 years ago. Every time I heard that critical voice, I would summon a different voice in response, of someone who loves and supports me unconditionally. Like an ideal mother, or just the way I talk to my friends.
Example: in my head, “You’re so fucking lazy, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why can’t you just-“ etc, would be answered by, “You are human. You are doing your best. The modern world asks too much of all of us. You deserve to rest. I’m proud of you. I love you.” Consistently in my head, sometimes out loud if I was alone.
Along with forgiving myself, sometimes I would think through and list out my accomplishments. The voice in my head told me I was a failure, but I built up an entire list of the things I had achieved to prove it wrong, every time.
At first it felt weird and fake. I didn’t have any reason to believe “myself.” But then, I didn’t have any reason to believe that criticizing voice either.
Slowly, the responding voice became more and more “real.” To the point where I was easily scoffing at and brushing off my self criticism. And then, for reasons I really don’t understand, that critical voice started speaking up less and less.
After over two years of this, I have stopped hearing that critical voice entirely. I’m in my mid thirties, which isn’t old but is old enough to still be startled by how night and day different it is now to live in my head. It is so much quieter and more peaceful. And a lot of the stuff I used to struggle with, actually isn’t a struggle anymore. I don’t procrastinate hardly at all now. In most cases I recognize “I’m not ready to tackle this yet, let me put my energy elsewhere and I’ll get back to it when I’m ready” and shockingly enough, when I’m forgiven and allowed to walk away, I do find myself “ready” later on to come back and tackle it.
I think what I did falls under the umbrella of “reparenting your inner child” if you want to research more.
Caveat that I also pulled this off while working at the least toxic workplace I have ever worked and being surrounded by the best friends I’ve ever had. Set and setting might be really important here.
I've never been unpleasant to myself, and to "talk to myself in that short, abrasive, condescending tone" means nothing to me. I gather that this is something a lot of other people have trouble with. So this should mean I'm very friendly, right? Not really, no.
It's an absolute workhorse.
It is so proactive in fixing blockers - 90% of the time for me, choosing the right path forward.