In a puritanical society, vice by nature is a counter-cultural act. Especially when in one of the most hegemonic societies on earth consider sex to be the greatest taboo. This counter-culture creates a culture of pushing boundaries and exploring the unsaid in polite society.
In many cases, like how one would expose a more emotional an vulnerable verison of themselves via kink and sex. The lack of inhibitions may lead one to exposing their social and political values as well. Whether it is egalitarian equality (e.g. a lack and blending of social roles regardless of social or political identity); or an enforced heirarchy (i.e. that denegrate and or subjugate certain social and political identities).
Most porn does sits somewhere far more moderate, in-line with social values in mainstream society; monogamous and conventional man-on-woman sex where the man is a strong actor while the woman is a to be obtained and ogled.. But just because it's "morderate" does not mean it does not have a political perspective and message. Just like how many major Hollywood movies perpetuate mainstream American values by portraying them uncritically (e.g. "police and military are necessary if flawed institutions", "the highest virtue to be an individual fighting against a world that is against you", and "wealth and prestige are good and valuable things to have, up until you become an asshole."). Typical pornography uncritically accepts and portrays mainstream values and perpetuates them; especially since it is in an uninhibited.
Not to say that mainstream values are necessarily bad or need to be critically attacked or subverted in any and all media (including pornography); but merely an explanation of how porn is a social and political frontier.
Could also be a consequence of just not having much desire to "mate". It's not unheard of for people to not want to "mate"; there's a reason why asexual is a term that people use to describe themselves.
The OP reminds me of some of the aromantic and asexual folk I've known. Not necessarily prescribing any label on his account. Just merely a thought based on a particular line is one I've heard a number times;
> my general reply is the combination of a lack of opportunities and a lack of desire
That said, I am very interested in hearing him extrapolate his thoughts further. I do use the aromantic and asexual label myself (in particular the gray aroace label), though I always find the little nuances in how different people express themselves incredibly fascinating.
This might get a little weird... but I think some people might be interested in my perspective on intimacy and relationships.
I'm asexual, but not aromantic (or adverse to sex). "Relationships" aren't high on my priority list. All of my friendships are platonic and I'm quite happy with that. Where it gets weird for people is several of them are emotionally intimate and physically tactile.
For men in the US, touch is wrapped up in sex and relationships. The idea of cuddling with someone else without any sexual relationship is strange. It's one of the reasons I'm drawn to the furry fandom. For the most part, furries know some people have a need for touch without a need relationships or sex and don't consider it weird. (Whether or not a given furry will respect that boundary that is a very different thing.)
If it's hard to imagine what this is, think of how a dog or cat curls up on your lap. That's basically how I feel about physical closeness. It has nothing to do with the deep of my friendship and everything to do with how my friend feels about it.
So... relationships.
All of my emotional needs are fulfilled by my friends. Living with someone else seems like too much effort for not enough reward. I don't need sex... I have people I can touch... I have people I can call if I need help... If housework or rent was an issue, I could get a roommate. What's left? :)
The furry fandom is honestly the easiest way to meet people imo. I recently moved city and the first thing I did is locate the local group and see what the events are. See there is a weekly bar meet so I show up and everyone immediately treats you like a long time friend. People are pretty respectful of your boundaries but you can almost use it like a dating scene if you want. So much better than apps.
Honestly, I very much relate to how you've described yourself. And honestly I feel like this correlates to how a lot of relationships work within queer communities as well (which isn't surprising considering the overlap in furry and queer circles). Where you have friends, partners, and folks in the weird grey in-between areas whom may be equally important in your life; regardless of whether you're dating, having sex, or just people you want to be around.
Which brings me to noticing how weird a lot of the folks in this thread are about relationships that aren't the typical "man and woman dating and having sex". And casting a lot of assumptions and negative connotations with the OP not fully diving in and desiring such a relationship.
I found it quite telling that he seems sure he's not aromantic because of experiencing romantic love, but is not sure whether he's asexual. That seems to me like a strong signal that he is asexual, or at least much closer to it than most people.
It's sort of surprising that someone would write a whole blog post like this in 2023 and not even mention the terms aromantic or asexual even if to just say that he rejects those labels. But maybe most people on HN aren't aware of those terms either?
I believe I've seen some comments that may have been LLM-generated. Typically they're top-level, short (1-3 sentences), somewhat on topic, but barely relevant to the conversations happening.
Like, for example, on a post of a blog post about a malicious package found in NPM is I'll sometimes see a post like;
"NPM is a godsend for developers. Problems can occur, but it has helped developers move more quickly and has made sharing code a breeze."
I never report it since I'm not quite sure if it's generated by a program, or merely just a low-effort comment from a human. Which is tricky.
I'm going to use this comment as a good suggestion for folks reading this thread to look at Jim Lill's youtube channel. He is a down-to-earth gigging musician who goes through the scientific process to try and accurately guage what aspects of the Electric guitar chain (from strings, to body, to amp, to speaker cabinet) actually affect tone.
And spoiler alert; with a couple of flat solid-state volume boosting pedals, an EQ made on a breadboard, and cheapo amplifier he was able to basically recreate the tone of several famous amp sounds. Honestly it makes me reconsider what sort of setup I want and need personally.
I do think that tubes do give a particular overdriven characteristic that is difficult (though far from impossible) to achieve with solid-state components; I don't think it's impossible (or even difficult) to make a solid-state amp that is as good as a tube amp. Just happens that when you use SS components, it's almost always much cheaper; and it becomes harder to sell an expensive amp if your cheapest amp is almost as good. So I believe that the engineers at the big name guitar amp companies tend to give less effort and development to cheaper amps than their big siblings. Which has given SS amps a bad name.
There are two phrases I hate to use. Due to their overuse to the point of becoming meaningless.
The first is pretentious. Which the OP massively is, they seek to impose the impression that they're a learned and intelligent person. By appeal to classics, high art, and digressions of philosophy and ideological viewpoints. Which I can believe has place in a postmortem of a project like this; as it seems an incredibly personal project that is created in order to explore an ideological viewpoint. Therefore explaining the "why" and "how" of the project is necessary for fully appreciating the intention.
I will not use the secondary phrase, as it tends to distract conversations and lead to people interpreting it as an attack. So instead I'll talk about what I mean directly; and that the appeal to tradition and implication that modern society is a "decayed and degenerate" form of past "western" society leads to a rather unfortunate ideology.
It seems to advocate that modernity is a decayed version of a past civilization. And the obvious end point of this form of thought is in order to reverse this decay society must return to a "golden age. Which the author seems to imply is 18th and 19th Century Western Europe, due to the artifacts and architecture that is upheld; as well as the fascination with historical Japan (which was common in late 19th century Europe). And likewise, there is an implication of Übermenschian "imposing one's will on society" with that quote you placed in the middle paragraph. That the author places their device in opposition to all of modernity, and therefore superior due to it drawing from undiluted history rather than the decay of modern society. Likewise, the digression of going on Instagram, "despite my higher self choosing the latter," seems to imply an internal disgust of not being "strong enough" to overcome their weak will. Ultimately, placing themselves and their computer as a mythological hero against a degenerate world.
This viewpoint I find personally gross and distasteful. And instead a kind of intellectual and emotional honest perspective would have been much more interesting and easier to digest. One that proposes this project as an experiment to draw from the Arts and Craft movement, and craftsmanship computing as a tool for personal fulfillment. Being honest about the drawbacks and the difficulties of such a device; and presenting lessons that one can apply to their own projects. Encouraging others to reflect on craftsmanship as a viewpoint, and thinking how to apply it in unexpected places (like computing).
Personally, I suspect it's autism rather than ADHD (and Inattentive-type ADHD, AKA: ADD). In my experience the people I've known who have just ADHD tend to be better at filtering out external stimuli than those I've known with Autism. And likewise the folks I've known who have both ADHD and Autism tend to have a harder time filtering out stimuli, or getting distracted by particular stimuli, than those with just ADHD.
That said, my own personal (and very unscientific) theory is that ADHD and Autism are merely differing manifestations of the same neurological phenomenon. So I could see that somebody who has ADHD might be more sensitive than a neurotypical person.
One of the things I've picked up reading HSP literature is that the human brain regresses when pushed past its limits. You go into fight, flight, or freeze, and from there everyone starts to look the same - like a petulant toddler. Part of self care is giving yourself permission not to torture yourself. To wear earplugs, prefer quiet restaurants, to ask the host of a party to please stop burning incense like it's Christmas Mass, or to just give yourself permission to pop in and then leave after an hour.
There's overlap between HSP and alcoholism as well. Needing to get smashed at a party in order to 'relax' is more than just decompressing after a hard workweek. Alcohol dulls the senses.
ADHD types can tune things out to pathological levels when hyperfocusing on whatever dopaminergic activity they want to do, the problem is it's about the opposite when when it is something without the interest or reward present. In both cases it can be argued a failure of executive functioning is responsible.
> ADHD and Autism are merely differing manifestations of the same neurological phenomenon.
I struggle to imagine how you connected those dots (at least without omitting many other dots that we know connect to one condition but not the other)
> Lastly, and perhaps the most disappointing, is I sort of forged myself into this narrow channel of thinking that had me under this spell of distaste for creative pursuits and surrounded myself with scenarios and people that reinforced this idea. One guy having a bad day is one thing, but a group of them acting as a support network and echo chamber for like-minded low vibration individuals is a completely different shit-show. It turns into a pissing contest of who can achieve the most disgraceful acts of human existence, and other acts completely absent of self-respect, morality, or both, and somehow maintain this as a lifestyle. That's getting a little bit too far out of focus tho.
I'll be honest, this paragraph piqued my interest. I feel like a dive into the implied and hinted story here would be fascinating. And likewise a meditation on how one enters this mindset and the effects it has on a person would be incredibly thought provoking.
Any group that can create 'others' has these tendencies. If you like podcasts, checkout "My year in Mensa' where the host passes the mensa test and then finds that all the nice mensa members you meet in person seem to be online trolls. Same thing really.
Agreeing with this, and likewise I wanna suggest for some coffee drinkers who are skeptical on "coffee nerds" to try a coffee cupping (basically a form of coffee tasting, like wine tasting, where different beans are prepared identically in a particular method good for producing a very strong and flavour-filled coffee).
When you have different beans, especially from different climates, regions, and preparation methods, and taste them side-by-side. You'll notice characteristics that you would not otherwise notice drinking from day-to-day; and the ability to taste and emphasize those characteristics is why coffee nerds use different techniques and forms of equipment.
It's easy enough to make a quality coffee that is tasty (a sub-$10 of supermarket ground coffee, a sub-$10 french press, and a pot of boiling water can produce a good coffee). But to emphasize things like fruity and floral notes requires extracting coffee in particular ways to bring them to the forefront; like ensuring that coffee is constantly exposed to fresh unsaturated water, for particular amount of time, with a certain surface-area, within a narrow temperature range.
Teen Vogue has actually been something of a respectable journalism outlet for some time. It's not the Post, but it's one of the few outlets I've found respectable journalism when I've come across their articles.
In many cases, like how one would expose a more emotional an vulnerable verison of themselves via kink and sex. The lack of inhibitions may lead one to exposing their social and political values as well. Whether it is egalitarian equality (e.g. a lack and blending of social roles regardless of social or political identity); or an enforced heirarchy (i.e. that denegrate and or subjugate certain social and political identities).
Most porn does sits somewhere far more moderate, in-line with social values in mainstream society; monogamous and conventional man-on-woman sex where the man is a strong actor while the woman is a to be obtained and ogled.. But just because it's "morderate" does not mean it does not have a political perspective and message. Just like how many major Hollywood movies perpetuate mainstream American values by portraying them uncritically (e.g. "police and military are necessary if flawed institutions", "the highest virtue to be an individual fighting against a world that is against you", and "wealth and prestige are good and valuable things to have, up until you become an asshole."). Typical pornography uncritically accepts and portrays mainstream values and perpetuates them; especially since it is in an uninhibited.
Not to say that mainstream values are necessarily bad or need to be critically attacked or subverted in any and all media (including pornography); but merely an explanation of how porn is a social and political frontier.