I would hang in there and get in touch with a therapist or a friend that you know to have good judgment before you take action. Hopefully they will be able to assess your thinking and point out any blind spots.
I would advise even more caution when considering actions that are not easily reversed like quitting.
Lastly, I would try to get some distance from your thoughts and feelings, to get out of them temporarily so you can view them with some skepticism. It could help you see other causes that are feeding into your situation. Hard physical exercise might help here.
This is timely and beneficial. Most of the posts I see on HN about job changes focus on the external conditions of a job that cause misery. However, as you've pointed out, these situations also have a positive side—they offer opportunities to develop inner virtues: truth, endurance, persistence, and others.
Had you posted this just two months ago (and had I managed to take it to heart), I might have saved myself from disappointment and regret. I quit my job after going through a six-month stretch of burnout. I thought I had nothing left to give, and that staying would do more harm than good—for both myself and my team. When you've been in that kind of negative mental state for an extended period, your decision-making skills become compromised. I began to believe my negative thoughts and feelings, and I couldn’t see a way past them. When I left, I used words different from "leaving to do what I love," but the sentiment was similar.
I'm now considering asking for my job back, though I’m unsure whether it will succeed. I was told I left on good terms, but I wonder if that was simply a reflection of good business etiquette from my boss and coworkers. I’m afraid I may have shown myself to be unreliable, despite a solid four-year track record of consistent performance. I also don’t know if I’ve learned enough to keep myself from relapsing.
Another thing often left out of these kinds of posts: what supporting factors help a person persevere? Friends, family, hobbies, religion—pursuits they can turn to for some respite? One of the thought patterns that contributed to my burnout was dwelling on the amount of competition and dishonesty in the world, when perhaps I should have made more room for gratitude.
The difference is volatility. S&P and BTC hit their bottoms around Nov 2022. Since then the former is almost 2x up, the latter almost 7x. Similarly once they hit their tops, S&P will go down 15-20% but BTC more like 50-70% down.
oh that's funny, somebody saying they should buy bitcoin with part of their money rather than blow it in 2 years trying to pursue their entrepreneur dreams.
What about those very capable engineers that do not read books? I'm talking about the independent and original thinkers that solve problems their own way. They exist and I'd prefer to be them, actually. I haven't quite figured out how to engage with the craft at that deeper level so, instead, I read books...
Is there still no easy way to use it as a target display? I'd consider an iMac as my personal computing device, but I'd like to use the display to plug into my work Macbook.
What was your path to becoming competent? I've been a software engineer for over a decade now and I'm middling at best. I've been studying algorithms in my free time as my energy permits and am hoping to branch out into other areas, but I feel as though I'm always behind my more talented colleagues who can immediately "see" the solutions while I have to puzzle them out.
What part of you says it's a lot of money? I'd indulge some of the commenters here and try an experiment: tell yourself that it's not much--at least not enough to call yourself "wealthy" or "rich"--and see if it changes your perspective on the problem. Find a way to unburden yourself from the money by not identifying with it.
An honest, rational, and intelligent way to approach our working lives and it runs counter to much of the advice you'd get elsewhere.
I think it's possible to be disillusioned with work and yet still do a good job and find satisfaction in it. Maybe it's just a matter of finding the proper distance between you and your work.
I would advise even more caution when considering actions that are not easily reversed like quitting.
Lastly, I would try to get some distance from your thoughts and feelings, to get out of them temporarily so you can view them with some skepticism. It could help you see other causes that are feeding into your situation. Hard physical exercise might help here.