Meanwhile, I don't really care much about resale value because when I buy a car I typically intend to drive it until it dies.
In this sense, EVs depreciating faster than ICEVs is exciting, since if my current Tacoma prematurely gives up the ghost (or I buy a second car) I can add “snag an EV for cheap” to my list of available options.
That's still depreciation, just deprecation until it dies (down to near $0 value from new) vs depreciation until you sell it. If it dies fast, the depreciation is still high.
Your arbitrary choice of a $3K price ceiling is skewing your interpretation of the data; cars at this price point are essentially scrap. Also, cars don't just get "used up", they get very expensive to maintain and keep operational. You might be able to find an ICE car in your price range that has a lot of things wrong with it but you can keep it going with the minimum, while for EVs basic operation is dependent on only a few, very expensive systems.
I chose that as roughly double the cost of the car I bought 3 years ago which has needed some new tyres, wipers, and a battery since then, hardly “scrap”
In this sense, EVs depreciating faster than ICEVs is exciting, since if my current Tacoma prematurely gives up the ghost (or I buy a second car) I can add “snag an EV for cheap” to my list of available options.